You’re not embarassing. Not every mistake you make is embarassing, not everything you said was embarassing, you’re fine. You’re just overthinking / self loathing. No one cares.
would you still love me if i was a worm? wait no sorry that’s stupid let me rephrase that would you still love me if I was of no value to you anymore? if I broke my vows by turning into someone you never agreed to be with if I suddenly couldn’t be a wife couldn’t be a mother if I couldn’t clean the house and I couldn’t put dinner on the table and couldn’t have sex would you still love me? would I even be me, to you? do you love me or the things that I do? when wives get life threatening illnesses 1 in 5 husbands leave those don’t seem like good odds so I’m just asking if I turned into a worm tomorrow and I could no longer provide you with anything at all, would the love remain? would you find a terrarium and fill it with mulch and keep me in the bedroom? would you spray me with water? would you keep me alive? would you throw me out onto the pavement? I think I would make you a house of popsicle sticks if you were a worm
if you learn to love bugs with all your heart the world will feel half as hostile and a thousand times as big
Theres a sentiment I’m noticing in the tags that I’d like to address. I dont think learning to love bugs with all your heart means forcing yourself out of discomfort you have with them overnight. It’s about observing a different sort of being going about its life and deliberately trying to reframe your observations through a sense of wonder and delight. It’s about cultivating a positive interest and curiosity for their ecology and behaviors. It’s especially about trying to uncouple the value we find in them from how ‘convenient’ they are to us; to face head on the part of us that wants to assign moral evil to another organism who just happens to live life in a way that is not harmonius with ours. You can love insects in this way and still recognize your own health and safety needs. We are animals living side by side within a biosphere. This is how it is, sometimes.
I think this is important to cultivate because, if you are alive at all, you are coming into conflict with countless other people and things that dont owe you an apology for their existance and needs. If you are alive at all, you are encountering countless other people and things that harmful bias and personal discomfort have made repulsive to you. This is about bugs, but its also about way more than bugs.
